It may be cloudy and rainy outside, but I’m feeling cheery inside 🙂
I actually woke up to my alarm today! I left the apartment (with coffee in hand) at 6:30am and by 6:55am I was on my first machine at the gym. Today was a hardcore workout. I started off with one of the most intense elliptical sessions ever, which lasted 45 minutes. Then I did 10 minutes of speed walking on the treadmill at an 11.0 incline. I was bright beet red after cardio. I’m not one of those girls who look sexy at the gym.. I look like I’m working out! After cardio I did 15 strength training moves, hitting arms, legs, shoulders, back, and abs a couple times each. I finished with some deep stretching. All-in-all it was a long workout, roughly 1 hour 45 minutes, but it felt amazing.
One of the biggest changes between how I used to work out and working out now is how I spend my time in the gym. When I was obsessively body-conscious and self-critical, it was all about cardio. If I didn’t do an hour, I wasn’t working hard enough. An hour of cardio was the most important goal, even if it meant there was no time for strength training. I became 100% focused on calorie burn and forgot what exercising is really about, strengthening with variety.
Now, I do 30-45 minutes of cardio with each trip to the gym. I do at least ten minutes of strength training when I don’t have much time. When I do have time, I aim for 10-15 strength training moves. I also take the time to stretch. I never used to stretch at the gym, and I think that’s because I didn’t care about my body, I cared about how thin I was. In those days, stretching seemed like a waste of time, it doesn’t burn calories. These days I feel more connected to my body, so I take the time to stretch to show my body that appreciate the hard work it just did.
After the gym I walked home in the chilly rain and hopped into a hot shower the second I got into my apartment. At 9am I went to work making breakfast: oatmeal. What a warm, cozy, and comforting breakfast to have on a drizzly day. I made my oats with 1/2 c oatmeal, water, a few spoonfuls of protein powder, 3/4 banana sliced, a sprinkle of raisins, several shakes of cinnamon, and a doll-up of natural peanut butter on top. Mmm it was delicious.
An interesting fact: I don’t know if I’ve ever used 1/2 cup of oats to make oatmeal. I’ve always used 1/4 cup or 1/3 cup. I told myself that the 1/2 cup was too much because it’s 150 calories, which I thought was a lot for just a pile of oats. I also read a lot of food blogs and many writers say that they only use 1/4 or 1/3 cup oats in their oatmeal, so I thought that 1/2 cup was too much. That maybe I would be glutenous for using more than they did. But today, after my hard workout, I thought to myself… 1/2 cup sounds perfect to me! To most people, this internal conversation about oatmeal sounds silly or stupid. But for people who have dealt with food issues, it’s important to see that old rules can be broken, and that food choices are a very personal thing. You should never decide on how much food will satisfy your hunger based on how much others eat. Your hunger is unique to you, and you need to eat what makes you feel good. And my bowl of oats this morning made me feel all sorts of good!
Now I’m going to spend one more hour relaxing, followed by lunch, meetings, class, and studying. Busy day.
Michelle
Foregoing Perfection for Happiness 
Hi I’ve been following this blog on and off for a while. I have a question. What about where you say (Paraphrasing) that food is just food and you won’t focus too much on it and a workout is just that and you’re not going to be obsessive about it? This post is a piece-by-piece breakdown of everything you did at the gym and then some. How much are you really letting go? The details are overwhelming. Just some friendly advice. I’ve been through this and I am much older then you are (i assume you’re youngish because you are in college), and learning to let things roll off your shoulders , letting thoughts go in and out of your head without rehashing all the details is how people without eating issues, or other obsessive-related issues, work. Take a leaf out of their book. They seem to get by OK.
I read an earlier post where you feel like you haven’t been expressing your feelings about your fathers illness. Why not really hash everything out here. Go nuts. Who here can judge you and if they do, who cares! Write things you never thought you’d write. Including all of the no doubt horrible things you must be feeling. You can always delete it later on, but if just for a little while you can really write everything in your gut it might help. Sort of like a stream of consciousness writing assignment. You might learn some things you didn’t know before. Try it, even if you think its stupid. Some of us might like to get to know whats going on REALLY deep down. It might lend us some insight as to whats going on deep down inside of ourselves.
You don’t seem to reply to too many comments, do you read these? Just curious.
-:)
I read every comment, I just never think to reply. 😛 I should start doing that! I appreciate what you said in the beginning of your comment, and I think there’s a fine line for people who deal with issues of disordered eating and body perception. Sometimes being proud of your healthy habits can be a very slippery slope and you end up going right back to putting to much emphasis on the wrong things. I’m not fully at the point yet where I can eat the foods I eat and then just not think about it at all. However, my thoughts are more positive now than they used to be. I’m happy with the progress I’ve made so far, and I’m looking forward to future changes in the right direction.
As far as talking about my dad goes, I have no way of telling what will show up in posts on the blog, it’s all dependent on that day. Sometimes I may talk about it, but for the most part I’ll probably keep it to myself. Right now, it’s easier for me to ignore it or internalize it that to express it. I am however going to see a counselor on campus next week to talk about some things, one of which will be my dad. I’m happy that I’m seeking help before things go out of control. I think that counseling can be a very positive experience if done right, and I wish more people did it. Hopefully expressing myself during that session will but my mind at some ease.
Thank you for reading the blog 🙂 And now that I realize there is a reply button right at the bottom of comments, I’ll make sure to reply more often! I guess I was just oblivious before. 😛
Michelle
Oh I wanted to ask you something in my first comment but it slipped my mind. Why do you only use 3/4 of a banana? why not use the whole thing? I couldn’t get my head around it.
When it comes to things like oatmeal or cereal I like a certain banana to grain ratio. An entire banana is usually too much for my liking. If I’m going to snack on a banana, I’ll eat the entire thing. 😛
I think your making great progress! It’s a marathon not a sprint! each small positive action over time brick by brick builds a strong wall right? Keep up the great work!
Michelle…
I like the new blog layout and your attitude is very positive. You go girl!!!!!
Great…Thank For Share This.
totally true! lots of people eat 1/2 cup silly- I actually see that number come up more than 1/3. I am the same way though- I see 1/3 as the package “Serving” and I automatically measure 1/4 or 1/3 out. Maybe I will try 1/2 sometime
FYI: i ALWAYS use 1/2 cup of oats….lots of times 3/4 cup. On the Quaker tub it actually says 3/4 cup is a “heart healthy” serving 😛 and oats aren’t just carbs they have lots of protein too! the more oats, the better in my opinion.
Also, sometimes I add cottage cheese too. sounds gross, tastes like cheesecake.