Do you hate me? Oh god, I’m awful. Leaving you all like that for so long without even a warning! Ugh, please forgive me. I’m so sorry. As the title clearly states, I’ve been a bad blogger. Life was crazy in August w/ my job and volunteering, and I guess I thought that there wasn’t enough time for blogging but that I would get back to it ASAP. Well the problem with that is, when I go on unannounced breaks I’m always afraid to come back because I feel like I’ll have a million angry comments asking me where I’ve been and why I’m letting the blog go. But, after reading some very kind emails and comments I realized that you all are the most fabulous, understanding, caring people in the world. Yet another reason why you all deserve the best. Love you ALL!!! Hope you are all doing well and staying strong and healthy.
Soooo, lets sit and gab, ladies! It’s GIRL CHAT TIME! Shall we catch up??
Oh dear, I need to stop these unannounced hiatuses just so I don’t end up doing these super long posts! They must be daunting to read. 😛
My life is about to turn upside down. I’m going back to school on Wednesday (one day stands between me and the next school year) and SO many things are running through my head. Here are all the new things I have coming at me this year:
- New Apartment: Finally leaving the dorm! New apartment, 2 bedroom-2 bathroom-kitchen-living room-private laundry shared with one other girl, which means PRIVATE ROOM AND PRIVATE BATH. Hello, girl’s heaven?!?
- New Roommate: Never had a roommate before in two years of college (which is convenient at times, but actually extremely lonely) and now, not only do I have a roomie, but it’s my best friend at school. She’s vegetarian, like me; nutrition major, like me; foodie, like me; and we’re basically a perfect match.
- New classes, 4 out of 5 classes are nutrition (two of them are super boring and about running cafeterias, but the other two are cool) and one online course. My schedule is very easy this semester, which is a blessing because I have a…
- New Job!: Drove two hours to school last Thursday, applied to a few restaurants, got hired on the spot as a waitress at my 4th stop, and turned right around and drove home. It took me an hour to find a job, with NO waitressing experience. I have no idea how I did it! I can only imagine that the manager thought that I was cute and had a good personality, so he thought he’d take a chance on me. I’m super lucky. My first day is Thursday (the day after I move in). Wish me luck! Any experienced waitresses out there have any words of advice?
- New responsibilities: I’m the Newsletter Chair of the Nutrition & Dietetics Club and the Vice President of Supportive Services for the Eating Disorder Awareness Committee. These are both brand new positions to me, I was elected to these titles at the very end of Sophomore Spring semester and haven’t had to do anything for them yet.
So much! Really exciting, right? But there’s also some scary things about starting a new year:
- Fear: I’m scared of falling prey to my inner demons again. I’m scared of letting the stress of school and work get to me and ruin me again. I’m scared of slipping back into old habits. It’s hard for me to remember memories of school from before I was depressed. When I think of school, I automatically think of Sophomore year, which was the most painful time of my life. I’m afraid that I associate school with depression and bingeing now, and that summer was only successful because I was home. Going back to an environment that is potentially destructive is scary.
- Doubt: What if I’m not ready? What if I didn’t do all that I could this summer? What if I’m not prepared for going back to school? So much doubt accompanies embarking on a new situation.
- Hesitation: I really like a guy at school, but he has a girlfriend so I can’t pursue anything. (I’m a classy broad, like the rest of you, and we don’t chase taken men!… We just secretly wish they’d open their eyes and see us! 😉 ) But when I seriously think about dating him, or any guy, I start thinking about the unresolved issues from my first (and last) relationship that still haunt me. I wonder if I can ever be with someone if I have these issues following me into my next relationship.
No wonder I have felt so uneasy this past week. So much is changing in my life and there are some possible MAJOR challenges facing me, it’s pretty intense. I’ve been emotionally more uneasy this week, and I will admit I did overeat on several occasions. But, I never binged and I’m keeping my head up! I think the anticipation is scarier than what’s actually facing me,and that I will have a VERY good school year.
But, hello, can we talk about packing for an apartment…
It’s insanity! I haven’t even packed clothing yet! That’s the last thing because it’s going to be the hardest part.. it’s the activity for the momma and me tomorrow night. I absolutely hate packing but I looooove moving in! I really enjoy starting up fresh, setting up my own environment, and kicking off a new school year with a perfectly organized living space.
So in the spirit of starting a new school year and “starting fresh”, here are my goals for fall semester:
- Maintain a healthy, balanced, adequate, and not perfect diet along with a fitness plan that works with my schedule.
- Excel at my new job.
- Keep my personal space clean, organized, and peaceful.
- Maintain or exceed my current GPA.
- Make new friendships and reach out to people. Be social and have fun.
- Maintain habits that help me destress (because stress is a major trigger for bingeing) including yoga, reading fiction books, cooking & baking, journaling, blogging, getting massages, etc.
- Keep a conscious check on myself, listen to myself and my thoughts, and honor myself not punish myself.
- Actively pursue happiness and try not to dwell on feelings of sadness, stress, or loneliness.
The best part about my list?? That it doesn’t include statements like..
- This fall I will lose 10 lbs.
- This fall I will exercise 6 days a week for an hour each day.
- This fall I will eat no junk food.
- This fall I will get a boyfriend.
These are not realistic goals. Their superficial and, to be honest, not very motivating. I get more excited about embarking on a new year looking at my real list of goals than looking at these lame goals. I am so much more than the food I eat, the calories I burn, and the number of dates I go on. With this in mind, I know that my junior year will far outshine my sophomore year.
Are you experiencing new changes in your life? New school year, new job, new relationships? Does it excite you or scare you? No matter what the challenges are that face you, remember that you can tackle them! You are beautiful, strong, and smart. Obstacles can’t stop you, they only make stronger. When you feel the need to turn to unhealthy food and exercise habits as a way to deal with life’s difficult moments, take a moment, breathe, and realize that there are more options out there. A fabulous woman, like yourself, needs options.. and honey, the food & exercise obsession option has not been working. So take a walk with a friend, call family, wrap yourself up with a book a blanket and a cup of tea. Do whatever you can to keep yourself healthy and sane.
I hope that was a good post and not just a ramble! If you’ve made it all the way to here, you’re amazing. And I promise that I will get back into the blogging world on a more routine schedule. I’m hoping that amongst all the madness of this year, I can blog a few times a week. Knowing all of you are there is the best motivation of all, because my blog sisters are fabulous.