Going Beyond the Size on the Tag

Hi everyone!

I am quite pleased to announce that I am still going strong and doing well. 🙂 This next week is my last week volunteering at the hospital and I can count the days that I have left at the restaurant on one hand. I can’t even begin to describe how excited this makes me, and how desperate I am to get to the finish line, enjoy 7 days of peace & quiet, and then ship off to the new apartment.

I did some shopping last weekend with my mom, and it went really well. I got a ton of jeans (old navy = jean heaven) and a couple of tops. Jeans shopping is always really tough for me. Jeans are what frustrate me, upset me, and make me shed tears in the dressing room, but not this time! I reasoned with myself and went beyond the size. I said to myself “It doesn’t matter what the size is, it matters that they look good on you. No one knows the size of your jeans but they can tell when you’re spilling over the top of them or when you’re swimming in them. I went in with a clear purpose and focus… get what makes YOU look great, don’t dwell on the size. This was the first real big shopping trip I had done in a year. The last time I shopped like this I was a size 1 from obsessive exercising and under-eating last summer. I didn’t know how it would go. So many thoughts were running through my head:

Would I regret not being the size that I was last summer? Would I hate myself for not being skinnier and end up running home to the kitchen cabinets, drowning my fears of being inadequate by bingeing? Would all my hard work go to waste when I ended up crying because a pair of jeans wouldn’t zip and I just positively could not STAND going up one more size?

Luckily I ended up not giving the sizes on the pants any value beyond silly numbers, I did not get worked up, and I recognized that I am actually much healthier looking now than I was last summer.

In fact, I was cleaning out my room this week and decided to throw out the last of my old clothes from last summer. It shocked me how small some of the things were. They looked like children’s clothes! Not something a 20 year old should be wearing. No room for hips or butt or breast… just a little stick. It’s a huge relief to know that the impossibly thin me is not something to desire or glorify. It was unhealthy and it was a major factor in my binge eating disorder and depression. I never want to look like that again, I’ll take a shapelier healthier happier figure over some boring pole any day!

Now, on to more frivolous topics…

I saw Julie & Julia today with my mom.

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It was adorable! Meryl Streep did an outstanding job taking on the role of Julia Child, and Amy Adams was charming (as always). I loved seeing the two stories intertwined but never meeting. Taking a look into Julia Child’s personal life was really interesting, and Meryl Streep had some hilarious, laugh-out loud moments with the character. Plus, I just loved the absolute passion for food and cooking that the two stories had. I think that cooking is a beautiful form of expression and creativity, making something exquisite from individual ingredients that are rather bland or unappealing on their own. To think, that for years of my life I have stressed over food, restricted food, called it “good” or “bad” based on calories and fat grams, and did everything in my power to pick apart at one of the most pleasurable parts of our life. Food is love. Food is an experience. Food is beautiful. I will never be afraid of food again. Instead I will enjoy every bite of my life, as Julia Child did until she died at 91. (I think the cooking and the eating kept her going!)

In music, I’m currently obsessed with Kings of Leon. Love, love, love. Their new song “Use Somebody” is fantastic, but I really enjoy rocking out to “Sex on Fire” (both from their album Only By the Night)

I finished the books I was reading last week (Twilight and HP #1), and have since started New Moon, Confessions of a Shopaholic, and have acquired HP #2 but haven’t started. It was hard reading this week when I was busy, but I’m going to try to fit it in when I can because I really enjoy it! Here’s how I felt about my first two summer reads:

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

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Even better than I remembered, J.K. Rowling does a marvelous job of combining suspense, adventure, humor, and magic. She takes care in creating her characters, bringing depth and dimensions to each and every one. She also is a genius for creating a wizard world with it’s own school, bank system, sporting games, vocabulary, etc. It’s so far removed from the human world, it’s almost unbelievable that one person could dream of all this. I can’t wait to read the rest!

Twilight

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A fairly interesting storyline with intriguing characters, but poorly written and repetitious. The author used the same words over and over again (beautiful, incredulous, dazzling) and they quickly became trite and annoying. Bella is simply foolish, falling hard for a vampire and then wanting to devote her entire life to him while she barely even knows him, but she does have some endearing moments and a few good sarcastic remarks. Edward is the only reason why Stephanie Meyer should have gotten this book deal, she did a superb job of depicting a creature conflicted between love and nature, unsure of whether or not it can care for something it’s tempted to eat. Edward is the reason why I am continuing on with the series (plus I hear they get pretty steamy… and I bet vampire sex is a spectacle!) One major disappointment: the big showdown between Edward and the bad vampire James was NOT played out in the book! Bella gets thrown against a wall, blacks out, and wakes up in a hospital. WHAT?!?! If vampires are gonna unleash their deadly side, tell me about it! HUGE bummer.

After reading the book, I watched the movie Twilight. Horrible. I didn’t think the actors could really portray the roles well enough, the script seemed to be very messy and all over the place, leaving out key pieces of dialog and interactions that make the romance more plausible, and I thought that their attempt at artistic imagery actually made the movie look cheesy. I recommend the book over the movie, by far.

Plans on my agenda for the rest of the weekend? Well tonight I am going to read (if my tired eyes can manage), do some blog reading, and eat a juicy peach (been craving one all day). Tomorrow I am going shopping while everyone hits the beach (a good distraction from my medication induced skin sensitivity.) I plan on doing some major damage at Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, and Old Navy to name a few. A girl deserves rewards for working hard all summer! I’m hoping to hunt down a pair of white jeans (maybe with a little distressing detail), but I’m nervous about the pale skin/white jean combination. What do you all think? Can my pale skin pull off some rockin’ white denim?? Other things on the shopping list:

Feminine Dresses

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Flirty Skirts

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and Pretty Tops

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Wish me luck with my shopping trip! Hopefully I’ll come home with tons of loot to tell you all about.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!


Take care and remember to eat with care. ❤

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Going Beyond the Size on the Tag

  1. I am SO SO SO proud of you. That is a huge accomplishment and you should be beyond proud of yourself. I am slowly starting to accept and embrace my curves (it is just hard when you live in a place where 70% of the women you see on the streets all have model figures). Nonetheless, it seems like its been forever since you last binged and that is freakin awesome in and of itself (it has been almost 2 weeks for me since my last binge. YAY!

    Anyways, I seriously could not be prouder of you for your shopping experience and wish that i could literally high five you through my computer. You go girl!

  2. Way to go on ignoring the tags on the clothing and just worrying about how they fit!!! Its so easy to get fixated on these stupid numbers that don’t mean anything. I’m proud of you girl!

  3. You are healing…and its a beautiful thing to read. I can kinda understand where you are coming from on many of these posts. 2 summers ago I was 10% BF and at 5’9 it was scary thin. I understand that now and that I’d NEVER be able to maintain something my body wasn’t meant to be.

    Yesterday was jean shopping and I was terrified. You know what? I ended up finding jeans that fit more beautifully than jeans of the past and in a new size. I’m wearing them today and comfortable.

    Thank you for being so honest in your posts. It helps many others.

    B

  4. randomlymikey

    i’m really impressed with your attitude. i admit that i still let sizes get the best of me even though i know it’s stupid. why force yourself into something that doesn’t fit when a bigger size LOOKS BETTER? i’m pretty much right with you on the book reviews.
    have a great day.
    http://randomlymikey.wordpress.com/

  5. Hello. I am new to your blog and thought I’d comment. I read your “about me” story and can really relate to a lot of the struggles you’ve gone through. I am glad that you are working so hard to take care of yourself and change the way you think about your body. Good for you!

    I’m glad your shopping trip went well too. I bet your new jeans look great!

  6. great post and great blog girl!
    i just found your blog and i can’t wait to keep reading!
    i recently made my own and would love it if you checked mine out!!
    jenna

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