Busy Bee

Hi everyone! My Thursday was SO jam-packed with things that I couldn’t even think about blogging until this morning. I must say, Wednesday was a downer, but my Thursday was fantastic. It just shows you that every day is different at that you can’t let one bad day stop you in your tracks, because you never know… the next day could be your best day!

A.M.

Yesterday’s breakfast: ZUMBA. That’s right, I’m obsessed. I got up at 8:35am and headed off to the gym a little before 9 to beat the crowd at the 9:30am class. I left with an empty belly because I had no appetite and was not in the mood to force feed. And I’d rather enjoy my food than think of it as a chore. When the class opened I was right up there in the 3rd row and ready to dance my (flat) ass off! Julie is the teacher on Thursdays, and I had heard that she was the best. Well, the rumors are true! Amazing, heart pounding, sweat dripping fun. If you have the opportunity to take a Zumba class and haven’t yet, do it! Got two left feet? No problem! I’ve got two left feet, no rythmn, and no grace, but I can survive an hour long class and enjoy it. It has totally revived my love for the gym.

After Zumba I did some strength training. I used to separate my strength training into leg days and arm days, but now I mix a bunch of different body parts into each day. I like it more that way, it makes the training session move faster. Sometimes doing your 6th leg exercise in a row is just not that inspiring. My only rule: can’t do the same machine two days in a row. That way it’s OK that I’m working body parts on back to back days because I’m working them a different way. Yesterday’s strength training included two arm exercises, three leg, two ab, and two booty (gotta fix that flat issue! πŸ˜‰ ) When I left the gym after 90 minutes I felt rejuvenated, strong, and beautiful. It’s definitely true that working out can sometimes be as good for the soul as a great big hug or a powerful therapy session.

Early P.M.

When I got home I wasn’t starving because my body was still on it’s exercise high. I waited 30 minutes and then made myself a drool-worthy lunch. The inspiration for my lunch: an unopened package of Italian Herbed Tofu dated 7/3/09. Whoops! I’m pretty sure it can last a few days longer since it was vacuum-sealed and not opened until July 2nd, but I wanted to make sure I ate some right away. I made the same salad as Wednesday w/ salad greens, the last of the roasted vegetables (they were so good), roasted red pepper (polished off the jar), tomato, sun-dried tomato, and then the herbed tofu on top. Then as everything was coming together the best idea ever came to mind, toasted pita and hummus? YES! So I toasted 1/2 of a whole wheat pita, cut it in thirds, and spread some roasted garlic hummus on top.

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drooling yet?

yum

yum

After lunch I went outside and did some workbook exercises in the sunshine while I listened to music. It was a very peaceful way to pass the time. I definitely need to keep that in mind for the next school year: when stressing, don’t stuff your feelings or curl up in a ball… instead, listen to your favorite music and write down your thoughts. So far the Self-Esteem Workbook and The Don’t Diet, Live-It Workbook have been great. I highly recommend both. The Food and Feelings book? A little slow.

Occasionally in The Don’t Diet, Live-It Workbook there are pages that are called Spontaneous Road Trip where it leaves an entire page blank for you to write out random thoughts, draw pictures, paste photographs, whatever you need to do at that moment. Yesterday, when I came across one, I instantly knew what I wanted to do, and my thoughts just poured all over the page. I’d like the share this with all of you.

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When you’re having a bad day, I encourage you to make a list like this for yourself. You may not feel strong or successful in the moment, but let your inner diva shine through and talk yourself up! Soon, you’ll start believing your diva voice.

By the time my hour of quality time with my mind in the sunshine was done, there was a smile on my face and a sense of calm throughout my body. Nothing’s better than that.

Afterwards I sent some much overdue emails to a few lovely people, read The Notebook (loved the movie, love the book… I’m a sap!) And then it was time to get ready for work! I was finally returning to the restaurant after 5 days off. I took Monday and Tuesday off so I could be with my dad during his first couple of days at home, and I can’t say I missed work much πŸ˜›

I got ready at 4pm and at 4:20pm I had an early dinner. This meal was super simple, black bean and quinoa salad (leftover from what I brought to the party Wednesday), a sunshine burger browned up on the stove, and steamed broccoli. Took no time, no effort, and was pretty darn good.

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Late P.M.

Work was absolutely insane. The first two hours were a little slow, but after that it got busy and didn’t stop! I was supposed to work 5-10pm but I ended up there until 11:15pm. There was no way I was leaving Kim by herself to deal with the madness so I stuck around and honestly I didn’t even notice that an extra hour had passed until she mentioned something about being closed in five minutes. I was shocked. That’s why I love busy nights at work, no time to look at the time! It was definitely worth sticking around the extra hour because I made $18 in tips. Yay gas money! I gave $3 to Kim because she helped me on a couple of orders, and I kept an even 15 since I did the majority of the carry-out work. It was a great night at work, and Kim is awesome to work with so no complaints!

I brought a big, juicy gala apple to work but never touched it. My stomach didn’t even make a sound all night, adrenaline was taking over. When I got home at 11:30pm I showered, and then had to have a snack, even though it was nearing midnight, because I hadn’t eaten in over 7 hours! I went light, my gala apple and roughly 1/3 cup of Shredded Oats.

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Eventually I went to bed, but didn’t fall asleep for maybe an hour because my mind was racing. I hate when your body is tired but your mind won’t shut off, does that ever happen to anyone else??

Reflection

So all in all it was a very good day. Pretty average: gym, reading, working,eating… but average is OK. The thing that made it feel like a great day for me was I did things that made me happy (exercise, workbooks, reading), I ate food that tasted good and was healthy, I had a very productive day at work, and I got my mind off my body and my insecurities and spent some time appreciating myself. It was, indeed, a great day.

A Quick Note on Guilt

I know that a lot of people dealing with eating disorders, especially bulimia and binge eating disorder, deal with a lot of guilt. Not only is there the guilt over your eating habits, but also sometimes there is guilt over what you’re feeling. Sometimes when you try to reach out to others you are faced with a “well other people have it worse than you” response, or a tone of “I wish food was my only problem”. I know I have gotten those comments in the past. Don’t let these get you down. What you are feeling is real and justified. If what you’re dealing with is too much for you than it is too much. Don’t ever compare your problems to other people’s and never try to “rationalize” if they are bad enough. Listen to your heart. Everyone has different tolerance levels and are affected differently by situations. You may be really good at handling work stress but bingeing is killing your self-esteem, while someone else doesn’t think twice about food but spends all their time worrying about work. Does that make either of you wrong for feeling what you are feeling? No. It just means that things affect everyone differently, we’re humans, it’s in our nature to react to things in our own, unique way.

Whenever I hear the argument “other people have it worse than you”, I am reminded of something my good friend once said to me:

Some people get shot by a bullet and that’s horrible, but it doesn’t mean that getting punched in the face doesn’t hurt.

Pain is pain. If you’re feeling it, then follow your heart and try to fix what’s hurting you and don’t let anyone belittle you for your feelings.

We all deserve to be happy and healthy. Don’t ever forget that.
Until next time,

Emma K.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Busy Bee

  1. Hope you have a wonderful 4th of July Weekend! I enjoyed reading your list…you WILL succeed!

    B

  2. Lyss

    i just wanted to drop by and say that you are a strong and powerful individual! i think a lot of people can relate to your story, and your honesty is soooo wonderful to all of those struggling. i love the last bit of what you wrote regarding guilt: i used to feel guilt ALL of the time. guilt over food, money, clothes – everything! i was never “good enough” – and by the time i realized that, i had lost a big chunk of time that i realized i was never getting back! GUILT GETS YA NO WHERE! so glad you are taking steps in the right direction… you deserve it beautiful! πŸ™‚

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