A Little Burnt but Smiling

Beautiful sunny summer day #2! Woo! Could it possibly last? Oh I hope!

A.M.

This morning I woke up at 9:30am and instantly called my doctor’s office to make an appointment to get an anti-depressant prescription. I’m going tomorrow at 3:45pm. I’m pretty nervous. I did some research on common anti-depressants online but it didn’t help me with my worries very much. The basic overall theme was that a drug can work wonders for one person but throw another person into a tailspin. I’m scared because I feel like it’s kinda like guessing in the dark… let’s try one, if it doesn’t work try another, then keep going till you find the match for you. But who’s to say that won’t take three or four drugs?! Or maybe it will take one… i don’t know, but I do know that it’s worth a try. If it helps, like my psychologist thinks it will, then this could seriously help me move forward. A pill isn’t a solution, but it could be a great aid. I guess we’ll see..

At 10:30am I cracked open the cereal cabinet and put together my breakfast. Today was half Kashi GoLean and half Kashi GoLean Crunch with 1/3 banana, four strawberries, and a palm-full of blueberries. I sprinkled on my almonds and then went to the fridge for my soy milk when I realized… oh no! I used up my soy milk carton yesterday! Never fear, I had one more shelf-stable carton in the house, but it was in a cabinet!! 😦 So I had room temperature soy milk in my cereal. Not nearly as good as ice cold soy milk. But at least my bowl wasn’t dry.

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Early P.M.

After making my dad lunch at noon, I headed off to the beach with my best buddy Rob. Oh what a wonderful beach day it was. Picturesque. I didn’t have time (or appetite) for lunch before I left so I brought a Larabar, one whole bell pepper sliced, and roasted edamame. I ended up eating just the bell pepper and the edamame, the Larabar got a little too soft in the heat!

It was my first day out in the sun since last summer, and boy could you tell! I was blinding the world with my pale body. I wasn’t completely comfortable being in a bikini, no where near how confident I felt in one last summer ( 😦 ), but I didn’t let that stop me from enjoying the day! I went with someone I feel 100% at ease with, who loves my company no matter the size of my bikini bottom! We sweated it out for two and a half solid hours and then went back to his house where we jumped in the pool. I stuck around there for 30 minutes and then headed home.

Let me tell you, I am pretty pink! My arms and legs are more tan than pink, but my chest and belly are bright pink. I couldn’t expect any different… the sun was intense, my skin was ghostly and my chest and stomach always take a beating the first couple of times in the sun. But (as awful as this sounds, because there’s so much information about skin cancer out there), I think a little tan may boost my ego a bit. It’ll make me look less sickly!

When I got home, instead of having my Larabar, I decided for something more refreshing… a smoothie! Best choice ever after my hot hot HOT afternoon! It had 1/2 a banana, frozen mixed berries, raw chocolate brown rice protein, a splash of OJ, and finished off with cold water.

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Late P.M.

For the first time in a very very very long time, all four family members sat down to dinner together. My mom made two awesome roasted veggie pizzas, and on both pizzas she reserved some space sans-cheese for me! It really hit the spot. And there’s extra roasted veggies (pepper, onion, and zucchini) that I’m going to utilize tomorrow!

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First Two Slices

Third Time's the Charm

Third Time's the Charm

One awesome benefit of veganizing pizza: you get more! With the cheese calories out of the picture, there’s no guilt in eating three hearty-sized slices.

After some blog browsing, I did a few workbook activities for an hour. Some of the questions were pretty interesting and made me think in terms of where I need to go mentally and emotionally to recover, not where my weight needs to go. With only one chapter down in two out of my three books I can’t tell how helpful the workbooks will be, but I’m excited to see where they take me.

At 10pm I had my nighttime snack. Frozen pineapple (even MORE amazing when you are sun-burnt because it’s so cold and juicy) and a Luna Sunrise Vanilla Almond bar. I was pretty happy with my final food selection for the day.

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Thank you all my beautiful friends in the blog world for showing such wonderful support in my first week of blogging. YOU are inspiring and BEAUTIFUL and WORTHY of so much! Keep your heads held high and embrace life. Sometimes it’s tough, but we can do this together.

I’m looking forward to continuing my positive journey and sharing it with all of you.

-emma k.

P.S.

I think that my longest stretch of “good days” this summer has been 6 days. Today has matched that record, and tomorrow could break it! And you know what? Tomorrow will break the record and my new record will be 7 days! Then 8.. then 9… oh the possibilities..

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “A Little Burnt but Smiling

  1. JackyVeg

    Yay! Happy 7 days. Congrats!!! Keep it up, Emma. =D

  2. Thanks for the comment! πŸ™‚

    I live in hellish hot Texas, so I know what you mean by hot oats being unappetizing. But have you ever tried Swiss oats (cold oatmeal)? You let the oats soak in any milk and possibly any yogurt (like soy) overnight in the fridge, then add any fresh fruit, nuts, etc. that you’d like. Quite delicious and creamy cold!

    That smoothie looks divine mmm what a rich color!

  3. frenchybelle

    Love those last positive words πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    Great eats! that pizza looks num num! πŸ˜€

  4. loveprevails

    Hey i have been seeing your blog for a couple days now and decided I should finally post on this one. I know that you are scared about taking an anti depressent. I was too, and yes I had to change my meds around alittle, but luckily nothing serious happened to me in the one i transfered from to the one I use now. Just remember this, as soon as you feel MORE depressed on your new meds, I think your dr. would say stop them (dont quote me on that, ask when you are having your visit) but that will prevent you from any of those horror stories you read about. Also remember that you are not going to feel changes right away it can take up to 4-6 wks for the anti depressents to actually build up and work inside you! I know I didn’t think they were working for a good 6 months, but realized slowly that I was just a tad bit happier and happier as the time went on. And thenmissing the meds, twice was a harsh reminder that i really do NEED them, because we are lacking what those with anti depressent naturally have. This is the best way to think about it. we are not just pretending to have something, but there is proof that we are chemically unbalanced and thats what makes up depressed. With the meds, we become balanced, like everyone else not used anti depressents! Good luck hun!

  5. Katie

    This blog is really inspiring – thank you for sharing all of this! You are making me feel like I can really break the cycle I’ve been in as well.

  6. Amanda

    Just found your blog, and I feel like we are on pretty similar paths. I too had restrictive eating patterns (not sure if it was full-blown anorexia), but now have issues with bingeing. I am having a really tough time breaking the cycle. It’s just so weird bc no matter how much I want to stop, it offers some form of comfort which is totally screwed up! I will keep reading and hopefully your successes will continue to inspire me!

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