Enjoying Bites without a Binge

My dad is home! He came home today after 3 weeks in the hospital. He came home with no medication or prescriptions, but we’re hoping t0 clear that up in a couple days and get him on some things. He’s very weak, but he’s moving and standing, something that rarely happened in the hospital. I’m so happy to see him home, and I have complete faith that this will get better.

A.M.

My alarm went off at 8:30am. I was going to go to the gym for a quick 30 min cardio, but I decided that sleeping was more important! 😛 I spent the next hour lazily enjoying the comfort of my bed. At 9:45am I finally got up. Before breakfast I got ready to go up north for my cousin’s graduation party. It was one of the first times in a long time that I got dressed up. My usual uniform these days is gym clothes (yay stretchy waistband). I put on a pair of jeans and they didn’t fit well (a little muffin top action), but they zipped and weren’t terribly uncomfortable so I wore them. I paired it with one of my new tops from this week’s shopping trip, a tank top that’s fitted at the bust and flowy in the mid section for muffin top camouflage. That was layered over another tank top and under a shrunken black cardigan.

I didn’t let myself get upset about the jeans not fitting well. I just thought, hey, you’ve been doing good lately missy! And if you tried these on after that week of bingeing when dad went in the hospital or even a week ago after your three of four bad days in a row, they may not have button. So good for you for making progress! These babies will fit like a glove soon enough. There’s a little positive self-talk for you!

However, some negative self-talk took over when I was doing my hair/make-up. My hair is super damaged from stress and hair dye, and the roots are often greasy and oily. Of course, today my hair looked like a mess…I tried to straighten it, but the ends just looked fried and the roots looked like I hadn’t washed my hair in weeks! (And I wash DAILY, thank you very much!). I ended up putting my hair up and like so many times in the past, I didn’t like what I was seeing in the mirror. It did serious harm to my self-esteem. I do believe the words “I’m hideous” came out of my mouth at one point. 😦 Got a new shampoo today though, called “degunkify”.. maybe that will help?! Kinda describes a lot of changes I need in my life… whole lot of degunkifying is required, for sure!

After all that I ate my breakfast. This was the most epic bowl of cereal ever. THREE kinds of cereal and THREE kinds of fruit! Oh yeah. The mix: Nature’s Path Optimum cereal, Kashi goLean, and Kashi goLean Crunch (total was roughly a cup) with blueberries, strawberries, and half a banana. Finished off with slivered almonds and unsweetened enriched soy milk. I don’t think there are even words to describe how awesome this bowl of goodness was.

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Early P.M.

I brought snacks to my cousin’s graduation party, just in case I needed them. But I ended up leaving the edamame and Larabar in my purse because I was able to scrounge up enough foods to make a full meal from the party spread. I had salad, two breadsticks, some pita chips, some pretzel thins, hummus, bell pepper, and bruschetta.

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I also munched on a few extra pretzel thins and pita chips while mingling, but nothing major. Then there was dessert. I made a little nibble plate. I had one chocolate chip cookie bar, one small wedge of vanilla cake about 1.5″x 1.5″ and a little scoop of the most insanely decadent chocolate cake that my mom grabbed for herself. I had about three bites of the chocolate cake, then I stole a fourth because it was that good! I was very proud that I was able to enjoy these insanely delicious foods in small amounts and feel satisfied and not tempted to binge at all. Parties can often lead to binges because of the large amounts of food, but I think I did a great job of listening to my body and eating what I wanted without overeating!

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It was really nice seeing my cousin and her family, I barely get to see her! But the family is coming down to their beach house (20 min from my house) next week and they’ll be there for two weeks, so I should be seeing her at least a few times.

At 4:30pm we headed out and after a quick detour to run errands we made it home a little after 7:30pm. My dad was waiting at the door to greet us. His limbs are looking quite thin (the man must have a couple of inches of space between his inner thighs!) but seeing him standing was very encouraging.

Late P.M.

I was full from the party and didn’t even think about an evening meal until 8:30pm.  Finally I decided I should have something, but I went light. I had a smoothie and four whole grain crackers with probably a total of one tablespoon all natural, unsalted peanut butter. The smoothie was made from: 1/2 banana, frozen mixed berries (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries), a little orange juice, water, Amazing Grass Amazing Meal Pomegranate Mango Infusion, and an extra sprinkle of brown rice protein powder to add some more protein to the 10g that the Amazing Meal packet provided.

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Crummy Picture Quality

The Amazing Meal had all sorts of healthy goodies:

  • Green Stuff: wheat grass, kale, barley grass, alfalfa
  • Protein: rice and hemp proteins
  • Antioxidant Fruit & Veg Blend: acai, carrot, blueberry, goji, rose hips, maca, and banana
  • flaxseed powder
  • digestive enzymes and probiotic blend

It was pretty good. All of the fruit in my smoothie pretty much covered up it’s healthy taste :-X . It was good trying something new. It was a baby step towards that green monster that all the beautiful blog laddies are raving about, but I still don’t think I’m ready to put kale in my smoothies!

That’s it for my day (plus the small handful of raw cashews I just snuck, mmmm tasty).  The rest of the night’s plans: watch a little TV and SLEEP. Didn’t get to start any of my workbook stuff, but maybe tomorrow?

See you soon, blogworld!

-emma k.

P.S.

A little close up peanut butter porn. Shout out to Jenny!

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Gotta love all that nutty creamy beauty!

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Enjoying Bites without a Binge

  1. JackyVeg

    Wow. You’re doing GREAT! You’re definetely going into a positive path and gaining your will-power even though you are going through some hard stuff. Plus, you’re eating healthy, soon you’ll get there…where you want to be. I’m very sorry to hear about your dad. Hope he gets better. But keep it up!!! =D

    -Jack

  2. foodnfit

    Glad to hear that your dad is home! 🙂 I hope he starts feeling better and regains some of his strength!

  3. Richelle

    Just stumbled upon your blog and our stories are SO similar, it’s scary. I’m trying to overcome a binge-eating disorder right now, and let’s just say that it is absolutely the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Each day is such a struggle but I am so desperate to stop this ongoing binge-restrict cycle. But it really seems like you’re getting yourself on track and doing so well, which gives me tons of hope that I can do the same too. It’d be awesome if we e-mailed each other for support/advice/whatever because I could really someone to turn to who knows exactly what I’m going through. So give me a shout anytime! And I’m really happy for you and your family to hear that your dad’s getting better, take care!

    – Richelle

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