This morning started off earlier than usual… 8:45am. I woke up and went straight to the gym. I have no appetite first thing when I wake up, so I had 1/2 a banana on the drive over. The gym was packed, but surprisingly I didn’t have to wait for any machines. I did 40 min on the elliptical machine with a 5 minute cool-down, followed by 3 arm exercises, 3 leg, and 3 abs. While there, I started reading the book that I checked out from the library, Feed Me!. Yep, I am definitely guilty of zoning out on the cardio machines and reading! I got through the intro and two essays and so far I’m really enjoying it.
After my workout I showered and headed over to my appointment with my psychologist. We talked about how my school year ended, about my father being sick, and my issues with anxiety and depression (particularly with body image and self esteem). She urged me to go on medication, again. We discussed how I’ve been trying some herbal supplements for depression, which she had no problem with. But she would rather I go on medication, get my chemicals in check, and then go off medication and maintain the changes with herbal supplements.
I’ve been scared of going on medication, and my family is hesitant, but I’m going to give it a try. My psychologist said that I should start seeing a difference within a few weeks, and if I don’t then I can just drop it. I guess there’s no harm in trying something… I can always just go off it.
The timing for the medication is good & bad. The good: I’m home, and I’m home for two more months. So if it’s difficult or scary I can work it out here with my family not on my own at college. The bad: My dad is is very sick and we don’t know what the future holds.. so it’s already a stressful time for the family, and this just adds more stress. I’d like to get a prescription by early next week and start taking it sometime next week. I’ve got a lot of talking to do with my mom about it this weekend, together we’ll figure something out.
By the time I got home at 12:30pm I was definitely feeling hungry from my serious lack of breakfast. I made yet another salad masterpiece. This invention is what I like to call the fajita salad. I take tempeh, peppers, and onion and saute them, then serve it on top of a bed of lettuce with fresh pico de gallo salsa for salad dressing, a little guacamole, and grilled whole grain tortilla on the side. Really spicy, very flavorful, and the homemade tortilla “chips” on the side is just the perfect thing to complete the meal.
Work was SLOW tonight. Very boring. I ended up snacking on a little more candy tonight than last night… but it added up to maybe 6 reese’s pieces and 1/2 oreo total?? With the combination of a very light breakfast this morning, a workout, and 5 hours of working on my feet… those little bites of candy were no concern of mine! Before I had gone to work I had the other half of my banana with natural, unsalted peanut butter. I brought the rest of my “dinner” to work, one cup of Shredded Oats cereal and a Think Fruit bar (review coming soon!). I ate those throughout the night, and it did a fine job of keeping me full.
The most incredible thunderstorm hit while I was at work. I’ve never seen lightening light up the sky like this, and the most intense thunder. It was amazing! I just wish I wasn’t working at the time so I could have enjoyed watching more of it.
I was out of work at 10pm on the dot and drove home with another lightening show playing out before me. I was surrounded by a second round of the tremendous storm and I made it home just minutes before it swept through. My mom and I sat on the couch in front of the big window in the living room, with all the lights off, watching nature at it’s best. It was nice sharing that moment with her. It’s been such a tough month and I feel like I’ve barely seen her, so spending a few minutes curled up together and talking was nice.
After the storm passed I made myself a quick snack and settled in for some blogging and TV before bed. I had roughly 1/2 cup of frozen pineapple, one ounce of raw cashews with a pinch of raw goij trail mix and a teaspoon of peanut butter straight out of the jar. Yum. 😛
So there you have it. Three good days in a row. I would say that I hope it keeps going, but that’s false. I know it will keep going. I can do this. I can keep honoring my body. I can keep making choices that will move me forward. I can keep my head up, and realize that even though this is going to take a lot of time… each individual step is what counts most.
My father found out today that his tumor is impossible to operate on. It’s too big and it also is surrounding a major artery. We knew both of these things, but we were thinking some miracle would happen and he could do it anyway.
We’re hoping he’ll be released from the hospital this weekend. It’s going to be difficult. He’ll be coming home with medication to keep him going, but he still doesn’t have a set solution. I’ve already informed my work of the situation and I’m only working two shifts next week, taking off from my day shifts so I can be at home with my father. He can’t be home alone, so it’s up to my brother and I during the day and my mom at night to take care of him.
I hope things improve, but I can’t seem to stop myself from thinking that things could get worse. It’s hard, and the uncertainty is scary. But my family is strong and we’ll get through this together. I’m going to try my hardest to keep my health in check during these times because this kind of stress is exactly the thing that could set off bingeing/emotional eating. I’m just going to focus on staying healthy and happy for myself and my father. I won’t be much help to him if I’m moping around the house.