What a crazy day in the world of celebrity news! The death of two icons in one day. Very sad and shocking. This will keep all the news channels buzzing for days. But now, on to my day:
This morning I woke up at 9:30 am, my regular time, even though I went to bed a little later than usual last night. I got out of bed, and went out into the kitchen where my mom was making tea. She wasn’t at work today because she had a doctor’s appointment. We stood in the kitchen and talked about some things, mostly about my father.
My dad’s been in the hospital for almost three full weeks. He was diagnosed a very rare form of cancer on his pancreas (not pacreatic cancer) three years ago. The symptoms had been creeping back since February, but in early June it got really bad and he was admitted into the hospital. But this time, he didn’t recover in a few days like he has before. It’s been a really tough month, and he was finally showing some good signs this week. His spirits were up, and there was one day where he was nearly symptom free. But, now he’s right back where he was on the day he entered the hospital and the doctors have said that we’ve really got to consider all of our options now.
The drug he’s been on for the past 3 years that subdued the symptoms is no longer effective. He’s either got to have surgery or find a new route of medication. The earliest he will be out is the end of next week.. which will make it a full month in the hospital. It’s a little disappointing since we thought he’d be out this weekend, but hopefully soon we’ll have a definitive answer for where we’re going with this.
On a lighter note, my breakfast was pretty good this morning. I had a small bowl of cereal (mixture of Nature’s Path Optimum cereal and Kashi GoLean) with 1/2 banana and a handful of fresh blueberries, with a sprinkling of slivered almonds on top. I went for a small bowl because I only had two hours between Breakfast and Lunch, but it was very satisfying.
At noon I made lunch. I had an oriental salad made with: romaine lettuce, red & orange bell peppers, red onion, steamed broccoli, steamed snow peas, steamed edamame, and peanut sesame tofu. I topped off my salad with a pinch of honey sesame sticks and ginger sesame dressing. This is the third time I’ve had this salad in the past two weeks and I’m just obsessed with it. It feels like a gourmet restaurant salad, but at home.
After lunch I hung out with one of my best friends. We had three hours to kill before I had to get ready for work, so we drove around town doing different things. We headed over to the beach and walked the boardwalk for a bit, then we went to the mall where I bought some clothes, and finally we went to the library where I got a new library card, took out a book, and got an iced coffee.
Shopping was an odd experience. I haven’t bought clothes very often in the past year after this entire ordeal with bingeing and emotional eating began. I didn’t want to buy bigger clothes, because I saw that as a failure. Instead I was just always striving to get back into my old clothes. But never having clothes that fit isn’t very good for my self esteem, and it just fed the fire. A lot of my clothes still don’t fit… and I realized that I really can’t keep living each day wishing that I was the girl I was before all this began. I didn’t try anything on, because that would just be too difficult for me. Instead I simply bought things that looked like they would fit.. and if they don’t, I’ll just return them. I got 4 pairs of shorts, a few basic tank tops, two nice tops, and two bikini bottoms (my tops still fit).
Sadly, I couldn’t actually come to terms with buying a different size. I just kept telling myself “this is temporary, everything can be taken in once you lose weight”. It’s a shame that I can’t just accept myself at any size.. but I’m learning, or at least trying.
When I got home at 4pm I started getting ready for work and prepared an early dinner for myself. I had a blackened tempeh sandwich on toasted Arnold’s Sandwich Thins with roasted garlic hummus and tomato. On the side I had a pickle, baby carrots, and grapes. It was really, really tasty.
I got to work at 5pm and started sipping on my iced coffee the second I walked in the door. I’ve been seriously missing coffee since coming home, I drink it a few times a week at school, but never at home. This small cup was really refreshing. I worked a 5-10pm shift today at the restaurant (I scoop ice cream/make sundaes). Work can be hard because when I am stressed or bored, which happens during a lot of shifts, I getting wandering hands and I end up snacking on ice cream toppings like crushed Oreos and crushed Kit Kat bars. Lots of times this leads to guilt, which can then snowball into a binge. Today I tried really hard to not snack. To help, I brought my own snacks: dried apricots and 1/2 oz. cocoa roasted almonds.
My snacks helped A LOT. No munching 🙂 And they kept my energy up through 5 hours of running around, carrying 6-gallon containers of ice cream across the kitchen, and working my butt off!
A little after 10pm I clocked out and headed home. I took a shower which felt amazing after my shift, and then sat down to a little bowl of frozen pineapple (~1/2 cup). I love frozen pineapple. It’s super refreshing.
Tomorrow will be another productive day: gym, laundry, appointment w/ my psychologist, and work. Then the weekend! And I hear the weather’s going to finally clear up a bit. 🙂