Monthly Archives: June 2009

A Little Burnt but Smiling

Beautiful sunny summer day #2! Woo! Could it possibly last? Oh I hope!

A.M.

This morning I woke up at 9:30am and instantly called my doctor’s office to make an appointment to get an anti-depressant prescription. I’m going tomorrow at 3:45pm. I’m pretty nervous. I did some research on common anti-depressants online but it didn’t help me with my worries very much. The basic overall theme was that a drug can work wonders for one person but throw another person into a tailspin. I’m scared because I feel like it’s kinda like guessing in the dark… let’s try one, if it doesn’t work try another, then keep going till you find the match for you. But who’s to say that won’t take three or four drugs?! Or maybe it will take one… i don’t know, but I do know that it’s worth a try. If it helps, like my psychologist thinks it will, then this could seriously help me move forward. A pill isn’t a solution, but it could be a great aid. I guess we’ll see..

At 10:30am I cracked open the cereal cabinet and put together my breakfast. Today was half Kashi GoLean and half Kashi GoLean Crunch with 1/3 banana, four strawberries, and a palm-full of blueberries. I sprinkled on my almonds and then went to the fridge for my soy milk when I realized… oh no! I used up my soy milk carton yesterday! Never fear, I had one more shelf-stable carton in the house, but it was in a cabinet!! 😦 So I had room temperature soy milk in my cereal. Not nearly as good as ice cold soy milk. But at least my bowl wasn’t dry.

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Early P.M.

After making my dad lunch at noon, I headed off to the beach with my best buddy Rob. Oh what a wonderful beach day it was. Picturesque. I didn’t have time (or appetite) for lunch before I left so I brought a Larabar, one whole bell pepper sliced, and roasted edamame. I ended up eating just the bell pepper and the edamame, the Larabar got a little too soft in the heat!

It was my first day out in the sun since last summer, and boy could you tell! I was blinding the world with my pale body. I wasn’t completely comfortable being in a bikini, no where near how confident I felt in one last summer ( 😦 ), but I didn’t let that stop me from enjoying the day! I went with someone I feel 100% at ease with, who loves my company no matter the size of my bikini bottom! We sweated it out for two and a half solid hours and then went back to his house where we jumped in the pool. I stuck around there for 30 minutes and then headed home.

Let me tell you, I am pretty pink! My arms and legs are more tan than pink, but my chest and belly are bright pink. I couldn’t expect any different… the sun was intense, my skin was ghostly and my chest and stomach always take a beating the first couple of times in the sun. But (as awful as this sounds, because there’s so much information about skin cancer out there), I think a little tan may boost my ego a bit. It’ll make me look less sickly!

When I got home, instead of having my Larabar, I decided for something more refreshing… a smoothie! Best choice ever after my hot hot HOT afternoon! It had 1/2 a banana, frozen mixed berries, raw chocolate brown rice protein, a splash of OJ, and finished off with cold water.

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Late P.M.

For the first time in a very very very long time, all four family members sat down to dinner together. My mom made two awesome roasted veggie pizzas, and on both pizzas she reserved some space sans-cheese for me! It really hit the spot. And there’s extra roasted veggies (pepper, onion, and zucchini) that I’m going to utilize tomorrow!

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First Two Slices

Third Time's the Charm

Third Time's the Charm

One awesome benefit of veganizing pizza: you get more! With the cheese calories out of the picture, there’s no guilt in eating three hearty-sized slices.

After some blog browsing, I did a few workbook activities for an hour. Some of the questions were pretty interesting and made me think in terms of where I need to go mentally and emotionally to recover, not where my weight needs to go. With only one chapter down in two out of my three books I can’t tell how helpful the workbooks will be, but I’m excited to see where they take me.

At 10pm I had my nighttime snack. Frozen pineapple (even MORE amazing when you are sun-burnt because it’s so cold and juicy) and a Luna Sunrise Vanilla Almond bar. I was pretty happy with my final food selection for the day.

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Thank you all my beautiful friends in the blog world for showing such wonderful support in my first week of blogging. YOU are inspiring and BEAUTIFUL and WORTHY of so much! Keep your heads held high and embrace life. Sometimes it’s tough, but we can do this together.

I’m looking forward to continuing my positive journey and sharing it with all of you.

-emma k.

P.S.

I think that my longest stretch of “good days” this summer has been 6 days. Today has matched that record, and tomorrow could break it! And you know what? Tomorrow will break the record and my new record will be 7 days! Then 8.. then 9… oh the possibilities..

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Enjoying Bites without a Binge

My dad is home! He came home today after 3 weeks in the hospital. He came home with no medication or prescriptions, but we’re hoping t0 clear that up in a couple days and get him on some things. He’s very weak, but he’s moving and standing, something that rarely happened in the hospital. I’m so happy to see him home, and I have complete faith that this will get better.

A.M.

My alarm went off at 8:30am. I was going to go to the gym for a quick 30 min cardio, but I decided that sleeping was more important! 😛 I spent the next hour lazily enjoying the comfort of my bed. At 9:45am I finally got up. Before breakfast I got ready to go up north for my cousin’s graduation party. It was one of the first times in a long time that I got dressed up. My usual uniform these days is gym clothes (yay stretchy waistband). I put on a pair of jeans and they didn’t fit well (a little muffin top action), but they zipped and weren’t terribly uncomfortable so I wore them. I paired it with one of my new tops from this week’s shopping trip, a tank top that’s fitted at the bust and flowy in the mid section for muffin top camouflage. That was layered over another tank top and under a shrunken black cardigan.

I didn’t let myself get upset about the jeans not fitting well. I just thought, hey, you’ve been doing good lately missy! And if you tried these on after that week of bingeing when dad went in the hospital or even a week ago after your three of four bad days in a row, they may not have button. So good for you for making progress! These babies will fit like a glove soon enough. There’s a little positive self-talk for you!

However, some negative self-talk took over when I was doing my hair/make-up. My hair is super damaged from stress and hair dye, and the roots are often greasy and oily. Of course, today my hair looked like a mess…I tried to straighten it, but the ends just looked fried and the roots looked like I hadn’t washed my hair in weeks! (And I wash DAILY, thank you very much!). I ended up putting my hair up and like so many times in the past, I didn’t like what I was seeing in the mirror. It did serious harm to my self-esteem. I do believe the words “I’m hideous” came out of my mouth at one point. 😦 Got a new shampoo today though, called “degunkify”.. maybe that will help?! Kinda describes a lot of changes I need in my life… whole lot of degunkifying is required, for sure!

After all that I ate my breakfast. This was the most epic bowl of cereal ever. THREE kinds of cereal and THREE kinds of fruit! Oh yeah. The mix: Nature’s Path Optimum cereal, Kashi goLean, and Kashi goLean Crunch (total was roughly a cup) with blueberries, strawberries, and half a banana. Finished off with slivered almonds and unsweetened enriched soy milk. I don’t think there are even words to describe how awesome this bowl of goodness was.

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Early P.M.

I brought snacks to my cousin’s graduation party, just in case I needed them. But I ended up leaving the edamame and Larabar in my purse because I was able to scrounge up enough foods to make a full meal from the party spread. I had salad, two breadsticks, some pita chips, some pretzel thins, hummus, bell pepper, and bruschetta.

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I also munched on a few extra pretzel thins and pita chips while mingling, but nothing major. Then there was dessert. I made a little nibble plate. I had one chocolate chip cookie bar, one small wedge of vanilla cake about 1.5″x 1.5″ and a little scoop of the most insanely decadent chocolate cake that my mom grabbed for herself. I had about three bites of the chocolate cake, then I stole a fourth because it was that good! I was very proud that I was able to enjoy these insanely delicious foods in small amounts and feel satisfied and not tempted to binge at all. Parties can often lead to binges because of the large amounts of food, but I think I did a great job of listening to my body and eating what I wanted without overeating!

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It was really nice seeing my cousin and her family, I barely get to see her! But the family is coming down to their beach house (20 min from my house) next week and they’ll be there for two weeks, so I should be seeing her at least a few times.

At 4:30pm we headed out and after a quick detour to run errands we made it home a little after 7:30pm. My dad was waiting at the door to greet us. His limbs are looking quite thin (the man must have a couple of inches of space between his inner thighs!) but seeing him standing was very encouraging.

Late P.M.

I was full from the party and didn’t even think about an evening meal until 8:30pm.  Finally I decided I should have something, but I went light. I had a smoothie and four whole grain crackers with probably a total of one tablespoon all natural, unsalted peanut butter. The smoothie was made from: 1/2 banana, frozen mixed berries (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries), a little orange juice, water, Amazing Grass Amazing Meal Pomegranate Mango Infusion, and an extra sprinkle of brown rice protein powder to add some more protein to the 10g that the Amazing Meal packet provided.

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Crummy Picture Quality

The Amazing Meal had all sorts of healthy goodies:

  • Green Stuff: wheat grass, kale, barley grass, alfalfa
  • Protein: rice and hemp proteins
  • Antioxidant Fruit & Veg Blend: acai, carrot, blueberry, goji, rose hips, maca, and banana
  • flaxseed powder
  • digestive enzymes and probiotic blend

It was pretty good. All of the fruit in my smoothie pretty much covered up it’s healthy taste :-X . It was good trying something new. It was a baby step towards that green monster that all the beautiful blog laddies are raving about, but I still don’t think I’m ready to put kale in my smoothies!

That’s it for my day (plus the small handful of raw cashews I just snuck, mmmm tasty).  The rest of the night’s plans: watch a little TV and SLEEP. Didn’t get to start any of my workbook stuff, but maybe tomorrow?

See you soon, blogworld!

-emma k.

P.S.

A little close up peanut butter porn. Shout out to Jenny!

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Gotta love all that nutty creamy beauty!

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Losing My Zumba Virginity

Finally a day with sunshine! Too bad it had to be a Saturday, because that meant the beaches were crowded with “bennies” and I stayed far, far away. I like the beach, but I’m a local… I don’t want to deal with the masses :-P. I’d much rather wait for a sunny weekday morning.

A.M.

This morning I had a “special” breakfast, something out of the ordinary. I had two Nature’s Path Flax Plus waffles w/ Smart Balance Light, real maple syrup (no high fructose pancake syrup for me!), a few chopped walnuts, 1/2 banana, blueberries, and grapes. It was pretty good.. but honestly, I kinda missed my bowl of cereal! It was good to step out of my comfort zone, but tomorrow I’ll go back to my loyal cereal. And, as you can tell by the photo, I forgot to take a picture until I had already enjoyed a bite. Covered it up pretty well with fruit though! 😉

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Early P.M.

Just before lunch, the mail came and I got a delivery! I got the three workbooks that I ordered from Amazon. So far I’ve only read the Introductions and flipped through but they look great. I’m looking forward to starting them. I think I’m going to be ambitious and try the first exercise in each book this weekend.

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I was planning on a salad for lunch, but I had no salad greens! So I had to pull something else together. Instead, I had a plate of carrots, yellow and orange bell pepper, and snow peas with a big heaping serving of roasted garlic hummus. On the side: Stacy’s Multigrain Pita Chips and homemade bruschetta. It was pretty darn good, even if it was a last minute choice.
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Bruschetta Close-Up

Bruschetta Close-Up

My brother and I were supposed to go up to the hospital with my mom this afternoon to see my father, but he called at around 2pm and told us not to. The future is really uncertain and he’s feeling pretty low, so he thought it was best if he had less visitors since he wasn’t up for company. We found out later today that he’ll be put on a new medication that’s supposed to work in conjunction with the drug he’s on that doesn’t seem to be effective anymore. The drug is very new. It was in medical trial in 2006 and was only approved for patients very recently. Not much is known about it, and we’re not sure what it’ll do for his tumor. But it’s all we’ve got now, so he’s going to try it. He may be home tomorrow or Monday. We’re hoping for the best.

At 3:30pm I headed over to the gym. I tried Zumba today! Finally! It’s been all the rage for months and now I’ve tried it. When I found out they had a 4pm Saturday class I knew that would be the one for me, less crowded, less intimidating. And since it was the first beach weekend of the summer, it was really empty, only 10-15 of us. I really enjoying it! The hour long class definitely got my heart rate up, got me sweating, and I loved how we were constantly changing moves and intensity so my body was always challenged. Plus it was fun!

After the class I did some strength training: 3 arm exercises, 3 leg, 3 ab, 2 back and headed home. But first I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some essentials like salad mix, strawberries, Kashi goLean Crunch, and whole grain tortillas.

Late P.M.

Once I was all showered I got to making dinner. Salad, again. I’m thinking I’ll probably take a break from salad tomorrow. This one wasn’t one of my more inventive ones, but it was tasty and filled me up. The mix: salad greens, grated carrots, red onion, red bell pepper, cucumber, slightly steamed broccoli, poppy & onion sesame sticks, blackened tempeh, and vegan caesar dressing.

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The salad was so big that my usual eye-balled amount of dressing wasn’t enough and I had to go back for more! It was huge.

After dinner I went to a friends house for a few hours and hung out with her and her mom on their porch. It was nice to spend time outside on a summer evening. All the other evenings in June were too darn wet!

My friend’s mom but out some dessert: chocolate covered pomegranate seeds and Newman’s Ginger O’s. I had two little seeds and no cookies. Ginger O’s and I have a history… I have a hard time stopping at one, and often eat them until the thought of the cream center makes me want to hurl. So I decided I would skip on the dessert and make myself something good when I got home. I knew exactly what I wanted…

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I made some quick and easy chocolate drizzled strawberries by melting a tablespoon or so (no measuring) of vegan chocolate chips in a plastic bag in the microwave. I cut the corner, drizzled the chocolate, and let them sit a few minutes in the refrigerator. At the same time, I microwaved a Cliff Z Bar Chocolate Brownie Bar for 15 seconds. Then I put (what looked like) 2 tsp White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter from PB & Co. on top. Yum.

It was my first time trying White Chocolate Wonderful and it was amazing. Tasted like the inside of a Reese’s Cup! It was a big deal that I bought this peanut butter, because I never allowed myself to before. Before I thought, peanut butter is a high calorie food I am only gonna eat it if it is the most nutritious peanut butter I can get, which in my opinion is unsalted, all natural, just peanuts. White Chocolate Wonderful was a.) not the healthiest thing ever and b.) a fine candidate for binge eating. So for far to long I ignored it. Not anymore! I actually bought it two weeks ago and I am SO proud of myself that it took me this long to open it. Not because I was depriving myself or showing will-power, but because I waited until a time I really wanted it instead of just mindlessly eating it. I still plan on having natural unsalted pb as my peanut butter of choice 9 out of 10 times, but the decadent PB & Co. peanut butters are a great treat, and a lot healthier than a lot of things!

Now it’s time for me to get into bed, maybe do a workbook exercise, and then go to sleep. But before I do, I want to share with you a challenge that I’m facing head on tomorrow:

Lack of Control

Tomorrow I am going to my cousin’s high school graduation party. The party is all afternoon and includes a meal, but who knows what kind of vegan option there will be. I’m not fretting though! Instead of going there with no plan and then bingeing on things like white bread and graduation cake which will make me feel gross, I’m bringing my own snacks in case there’s nothing for me. I plan on bringing roasted edamame and a Larabar.  That and whatever party foods I can manage should be enough to hold me over. Plus I’m gonna start my day with a big bowl of whole grain cereal and lots of fruit before we go, a nourishing lunch is key to warding off binges.

Wish me luck! Parties are always possible triggers, but I’m working on fighting back!

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Food Review: Think Fruit Peanut Goji Glow Bar

The company thinkproducts has recently introduced a new line of bars called the thinkFruit bars. These are unprocessed bars made from fruits and nuts, very reminiscent of Larabars but with a few more ingredients. Not nearly as straight forward as the Larabar ingredients lists, these bars add agave, flaxseed, natural flavors, and pectin to their fruit and nut lineup, but it’s still a far cry from soy crisps and palm kernel oil.

The Peanut Goji Glow bar was the first bar I tried from this company. The bar tasted decadent yet playful. It hinted at memories of childhood PB & J sandwiches with the balance of nutty and sweet, but the soft, luscious, melt-in-your-mouth texture gave it an all-grown-up feeling. It was not overtly sweet and there was no artificial after taste, just real authentic deliciousness. Next time I see this bar in a store, I won’t think twice before I toss a handful into my cart. They are definitely a great find!

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Nutritional Breakdown:

Ingredients: dates, peanuts, agave, flaxseed, pectin, natural flavors, goji berry

Nutrition Facts: 210 kcal, 11g fat, 2 g saturated fat, 5 g fiber, 20g sugar, 5 g protein

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Therapy and Thunderstorms

A.M.

This morning started off earlier than usual… 8:45am. I woke up and went straight to the gym. I have no appetite first thing when I wake up, so I had 1/2 a banana on the drive over. The gym was packed, but surprisingly I didn’t have to wait for any machines. I did 40 min on the elliptical machine with a 5 minute cool-down, followed by 3 arm exercises, 3 leg, and 3 abs. While there, I started reading the book that I checked out from the library, Feed Me!. Yep, I am definitely guilty of zoning out on the cardio machines and reading! I got through the intro and two essays and so far I’m really enjoying it.

After my workout I showered and headed over to my appointment with my psychologist. We talked about how my school year ended, about my father being sick, and my issues with anxiety and depression (particularly with body image and self esteem). She urged me to go on medication, again. We discussed how I’ve been trying some herbal supplements for depression, which she had no problem with. But she would rather I go on medication, get my chemicals in check, and then go off medication and maintain the changes with herbal supplements.

I’ve been scared of going on medication, and my family is hesitant, but I’m going to give it a try. My psychologist said that I should start seeing a difference within a few weeks, and if I don’t then I can just drop it. I guess there’s no harm in trying something… I can always just go off it.

The timing for the medication is good & bad. The good: I’m home, and I’m home for two more months. So if it’s difficult or scary I can work it out here with my family not on my own at college. The bad: My dad is is very sick and we don’t know what the future holds.. so it’s already a stressful time for the family, and this just adds more stress. I’d like to get a prescription by early next week and start taking it sometime next week. I’ve got a lot of talking to do with my mom about it this weekend, together we’ll figure something out.

By the time I got home at 12:30pm I was definitely feeling hungry from my serious lack of breakfast. I made yet another salad masterpiece. This invention is what I like to call the fajita salad. I take tempeh, peppers, and onion and saute them, then serve it on top of a bed of lettuce with fresh pico de gallo salsa for salad dressing, a little guacamole, and grilled whole grain tortilla on the side. Really spicy, very flavorful, and the homemade tortilla “chips” on the side is just the perfect thing to complete the meal.

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P.M.

Work was SLOW tonight. Very boring. I ended up snacking on a little more candy tonight than last night… but it added up to maybe 6 reese’s pieces and 1/2 oreo total?? With the combination of a very light breakfast this morning, a workout, and 5 hours of working on my feet… those little bites of candy were no concern of mine! Before I had gone to work I had the other half of my banana with natural, unsalted peanut butter. I brought the rest of my “dinner” to work, one cup of Shredded Oats cereal and a Think Fruit bar (review coming soon!). I ate those throughout the night, and it did a fine job of keeping me full.

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The most incredible thunderstorm hit while I was at work. I’ve never seen lightening light up the sky like this, and the most intense thunder. It was amazing! I just wish I wasn’t working at the time so I could have enjoyed watching more of it.

I was out of work at 10pm on the dot and drove home with another lightening show playing out before me. I was surrounded by a second round of the tremendous storm and I made it home just minutes before it swept through. My mom and I sat on the couch in front of the big window in the living room, with all the lights off, watching nature at it’s best. It was nice sharing that moment with her. It’s been such a tough month and I feel like I’ve barely seen her, so spending a few minutes curled up together and talking was nice.

After the storm passed I made myself a quick snack and settled in for some blogging and TV before bed. I had roughly 1/2 cup of frozen pineapple, one ounce of raw cashews with a pinch of raw goij trail mix and a teaspoon of peanut butter straight out of the jar. Yum. 😛

So there you have it. Three good days in a row. I would say that I hope it keeps going, but that’s false. I know it will keep going. I can do this. I can keep honoring my body. I can keep making choices that will move me forward. I can keep my head up, and realize that even though this is going to take a lot of time… each individual step is what counts most.

-emma k.

Family Update

My father found out today that his tumor is impossible to operate on. It’s too big and it also is surrounding a major artery. We knew both of these things, but we were thinking some miracle would happen and he could do it anyway.

We’re hoping he’ll be released from the hospital this weekend. It’s going to be difficult. He’ll be coming home with medication to keep him going, but he still doesn’t have a set solution. I’ve already informed my work of the situation and I’m only working two shifts next week, taking off from my day shifts so I can be at home with my father. He can’t be home alone, so it’s up to my brother and I during the day and my mom at night to take care of him.

I hope things improve, but I can’t seem to stop myself from thinking that things could get worse. It’s hard, and the uncertainty is scary. But my family is strong and we’ll get through this together. I’m going to try my hardest to keep my health in check during these times because this kind of stress is exactly the thing that could set off bingeing/emotional eating. I’m just going to focus on staying healthy and happy for myself and my father. I won’t be much help to him if I’m moping around the house.

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Shopping & Working

What a crazy day in the world of celebrity news! The death of two icons in one day. Very sad and shocking. This will keep all the news channels buzzing for days. But now, on to my day:

A.M.

This morning I woke up at 9:30 am, my regular time, even though I went to bed a little later than usual last night. I got out of bed, and went out into the kitchen where my mom was making tea. She wasn’t at work today because she had a doctor’s appointment. We stood in the kitchen and talked about some things, mostly about my father.

My dad’s been in the hospital for almost three full weeks. He was diagnosed a very rare form of cancer on his pancreas (not pacreatic cancer) three years ago. The symptoms had been creeping back since February, but in early June it got really bad and he was admitted into the hospital. But this time, he didn’t recover in a few days like he has before. It’s been a really tough month, and he was finally showing some good signs this week. His spirits were up, and there was one day where he was nearly symptom free. But, now he’s right back where he was on the day he entered the hospital and the doctors have said that we’ve really got to consider all of our options now.

The drug he’s been on for the past 3 years that subdued the symptoms is no longer effective. He’s either got to have surgery or find a new route of medication. The earliest he will be out is the end of next week.. which will make it a full month in the hospital. It’s a little disappointing since we thought he’d be out this weekend, but hopefully soon we’ll have a definitive answer for where we’re going with this.

On a lighter note, my breakfast was pretty good this morning. I had a small bowl of cereal (mixture of Nature’s Path Optimum cereal and Kashi GoLean) with 1/2 banana and a handful of fresh blueberries, with a sprinkling of slivered almonds on top. I went for a small bowl because I only had two hours between Breakfast and Lunch, but it was very satisfying.

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Early P.M.

At noon I made lunch. I had an oriental salad made with: romaine lettuce, red & orange bell peppers, red onion, steamed broccoli, steamed snow peas, steamed edamame, and peanut sesame tofu. I topped off my salad with a pinch of honey sesame sticks and ginger sesame dressing. This is the third time I’ve had this salad in the past two weeks and I’m just obsessed with it. It feels like a gourmet restaurant salad, but at home.

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After lunch I hung out with one of my best friends. We had three hours to kill before I had to get ready for work, so we drove around town doing different things. We headed over to the beach and walked the boardwalk for a bit, then we went to the mall where I bought some clothes, and finally we went to the library where I got a new library card, took out a book, and got an iced coffee.

Shopping was an odd experience. I haven’t bought clothes very often in the past year after this entire ordeal with bingeing and emotional eating began. I didn’t want to buy bigger clothes, because I saw that as a failure. Instead I was just always striving to get back into my old clothes. But never having clothes that fit isn’t very good for my self esteem, and it just fed the fire. A lot of my clothes still don’t fit… and I realized that I really can’t keep living each day wishing that I was the girl I was before all this began. I didn’t try anything on, because that would just be too difficult for me. Instead I simply bought things that looked like they would fit.. and if they don’t, I’ll just return them. I got 4 pairs of shorts, a few basic tank tops, two nice tops, and two bikini bottoms (my tops still fit).

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Sadly, I couldn’t actually come to terms with buying a different size. I just kept telling myself “this is temporary, everything can be taken in once you lose weight”. It’s a shame that I can’t just accept myself at any size.. but I’m learning, or at least trying.

When I got home at 4pm I started getting ready for work and prepared an early dinner for myself. I had a blackened tempeh sandwich on toasted Arnold’s Sandwich Thins with roasted garlic hummus and tomato. On the side I had a pickle, baby carrots, and grapes. It was really, really tasty.

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Late P.M.

I got to work at 5pm and started sipping on my iced coffee the second I walked in the door. I’ve been seriously missing coffee since coming home, I drink it a few times a week at school, but never at home. This small cup was really refreshing. I worked a 5-10pm shift today at the restaurant (I scoop ice cream/make sundaes). Work can be hard because when I am stressed or bored, which happens during a lot of shifts, I getting wandering hands and I end up snacking on ice cream toppings like crushed Oreos and crushed Kit Kat bars. Lots of times this leads to guilt, which can then snowball into a binge. Today I tried really hard to not snack. To help, I brought my own snacks: dried apricots and 1/2 oz. cocoa roasted almonds.

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My snacks helped A LOT. No munching 🙂 And they kept my energy up through 5 hours of running around, carrying 6-gallon containers of ice cream across the kitchen, and working my butt off!

A little after 10pm I clocked out and headed home. I took a shower which felt amazing after my shift, and then sat down to a little bowl of frozen pineapple (~1/2 cup). I love frozen pineapple. It’s super refreshing.

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Tomorrow will be another productive day: gym, laundry, appointment w/ my psychologist, and work. Then the weekend! And I hear the weather’s going to finally clear up a bit. 🙂

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The First Post

Today was a pretty busy day even though I didn’t have work. It was another rainy, cloudy day. June has just been the most awful weather month. Weird thing is… I’m kind of enjoying it. I love the sound of rain, it’s so beautiful. However, I’m pretty sure that a break from this June gloom would be nice. Maybe July will be better.

A.M.

I started off my morning with a small bowl of cereal. I absolutely love breakfast, but I’m very particular about it. For me, the best breakfast is: whole grain (cereal/oatmeal) + fruit + healthy fat (nuts) + protein (soy milk/protein powder) It fills me up, keeps me going throughout the morning, and it’s the absolute best way for me to kick start a healthy eating day.

This morning’s breakfast combo was: a little less than one cup of Nature’s Path Heritage Flakes with 1/2 banana, Raw Goji Trail Mix, and unsweetened enriched soy milk. The Raw Goji Trail Mix is a mixture of raw cashews, raw pistachios, raw cocoa nibs, mulberries, goji berries, and golden raisins. Delicious.

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After breakfast I worked on some blog things (the About This Blog and Nourishment pages), made an appointment with my psychologist, and made some bruschetta for the get-together I was going to later on.

P.M.

At around 1:30pm I got around to eating lunch. I had the most delicious salad. I really love salads, but there has to be something spectacular about them… no plain veggie salads for me! Today’s mix was: romaine, carrots, red & orange bell pepper, red onion, grape tomatoes, cucumber, “croutons”, and tempeh with vegan caesar dressing. The croutons were actually the crumbs from the bottom of a bag of olive oiled & herbed crustinis from Whole Foods. I cubed up some tempeh, tossed it around in a bag with olive oil/salt/pepper/cayenne pepper/coriander and then cooked it over medium-high heat until golden brown. The crunch of the croutons and the little nuggets of flavor from the tempeh were sensational on top of the salad, and the dressing pulled everything together.

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After lunch, I ran a few errands, then went to the gym. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical followed by a 5 minute cool-down, and then circuit training: 2 arm machines, 2 back, 3 legs, and 2 ab exercises. When I left the gym it was raining.. again. Already the second time it rained. I ran to my car, and then drove off to the grocery store.

At the grocery store I picked up:

  • Fruit: 3 gala apples, grapes, locally grown blueberries, small container of fruit salad
  • Veggies: onion, bell peppers, broccoli
  • Grains: fresh ciabatta bread, whole grain english muffins, whole wheat Arnold’s Sandwich Thins, and Shredded Oats.
  • Nuts/Seeds: all natural unsalted peanut butter, Dark Chocolate Dreams from Peanut Butter & Co. (I’ve been dieing to try this!)
  • Snacks: bag of mini pretzels, Stacy’s multigrain pita chips
  • Other: Mango sorbet

Next time I’ll try to remember to take a picture of the goods before I pack them away in the kitchen! Once I got out of the grocery store the rain had left, but it was replaced by the absolute grossest, thickest air imaginable.

When I got home I took a quick shower, cut up the ciabatta bread,and then we were off to Art Night with bruschetta and bread in hand. Art Night is a weekly gathering of friends and family at my friend’s house. It’s every Wednesday and it’s a wonderful opportunity to see people, enjoy good food, and laugh.

I didn’t take any pictures of my Art Night food (a little shy of bringing the camera out in public). I had some guacamole with a few blue corn chips, some bruschetta and bread, a big scoop of quinoa and edamame salad, and a wedge of watermelon. After wards I munched on some extra bread and chips as we sat around and talked. Dessert was all vegan ( 🙂 !!!) and amazing! I had a scoop (and a little more) of blueberry cobbler, and 1 & 1/2 vegan cupcakes. Wow. What a delicious night!

But what’s really important is that I didn’t binge. Parties are always a little difficult for me because they tend to set off binges. But I kept things in check tonight. I definitely munched a little more than I needed to… and I probably didn’t need the extra bites of dessert, but I didn’t beat myself up over that! Plus, I usually have a snack in the afternoon and night in addition to my Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. I had no afternoon snack today… so my dinner + munching + dessert probably came pretty close to matching the calories I usually take in between snack + dinner + snack. And if it was a little over? Well who cares. Having a wonderful time with close friends is worth a few extra calories. And one night of indulging each week won’t kill me.

I also didn’t do any grazing once I got into the house, which I was really thrilled about. For some reason, I feel like I’m compelled to scope out the kitchen whenever I come home after being out, whether or not I’m hungry. Instead of doing that, I watched some Sex and the City on TBS and then went to bed.

All in all… a good day. A delicious day. A binge free day. A day spent with wonderful people. A near-perfect day.

What else could I ask for?

-emma k.

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